Well, I've decided it is time to grab the minotaur by the horns, so to speak. Going at things the way I was was just digging a very deep pit I couldn't get out of. So, I'm doing what I know to do. And that is: working to change my diet substantially in a very almost-vegetarian direction. Spending more time gardening and starting a supplement regime based on improving my heart health. Because of Congestive Heart Failure, I may have less than a decade left in this life, so I need to make the most of it while I still can and eating garbage food and cutting myself off from the world were definitely bad strategies. Time to move forward in a way that helps me rather than defeats me. I will die whatever I do, but I don't have to accept an attitude of throwing the towel in before it happens. Depression is a very powerful deterrent to living a normal or "good" life. Still, there are ways of dealing with it and I am learning not to give it the upper hand so much. Getting out in the sun and nature really helps. Sitting in front of a monitor all day really doesn't help. I like the saying that, if you want a helping hand, just look to the end of your own damned arm. That sums up things for me right now. Expecting others to come racing forward to help me is a fool's game. It happens very infrequently. So, I'll be grabbing those horns and hurling myself on to that minotaur's back and making him go where I need to go now. Just following wasn't working.